I Write the Tests

I write the tests that make the systems freeze
Hoses the drives and brings it to its knees
I pound the keyboard 'till my fingers bleed
I write the tests, I write the tests.

I write the tests that trash the network stacks
I write the tests that bring old panics back
I write the tests that paint the whole screen black
I write the tests, I write the tests.

I write the code that makes the testers cringe
I write the code while on a drinking binge
I write the code that's from the lunatic fringe
I write the code, I write the code.

I write the code that makes the apps core dump
I write the code that makes performance slump
I hand the code off to the testing chumps
I write the code, I write the code.

I write the tests that act quite queer,
I write the tests the developers fear
Testing things that make little sense.
I write the tests, I write the tests.

I write the tests that cause a reboot,
It's such fun, I think it's a hoot
When I see those developers stand mute.
I write the tests, I write the tests.

The developers chorus...

We code with longs and shorts and unsigned things,
We code with chars and make the disk drives sing.
We write the code that makes Sustaining cry...
We write the code, we write the code...

I write the tests that give us bugs galore
That keep us hacking through the night and more
I'm never happy til we've dumped a core
I write the tests, I write the tests.

I write the tests that keep us overjoyed
I write the tests that keep us all employed
Fixing bugs forever never annoyed
I write the tests I write the tests

I write the tests that keep us overjoyed
I write the tests that keep us all employed
Fixing bugs forever never annoyed
I write the tests I write the tests

We write the books that keep you so confused,
Books so big they're hardly ever used,
Creative fiction that keeps you amused,
We write the books, we write the books.

- James Tierney